A time to pray

It's interesting when you find unexpected things - I have been furtling through my junk this week looking for a lost certificate and I found some notes that I made in March 2004 on a retreat at the Campion Retreat Centre in Melbourne, Australia.

It was for me a long weekend totally away from the normal path of my life. I was part the way through a deep crisis in my personal life and had booked the retreat because I knew I needed something that maybe only a bit of time away and out of the ordinary would give me. Picked largely because the dates fitted - I was then amazed to find out how much the retreat spoke to me over the four days. It was as if God had been patiently waiting for me like a kind father. Now he had my attention he was going to tell me stuff.

First of all that long weekend taught me that if you are in crisis and you turn back to God he will honour your decision and come alongside and bless you.

Secondly, it is worth writing down what God reveals to you so that you can think on it later.

It was interesting to hear a Carmelite monk Fr Greg, talking about our faith and saying "Christianity is not a religion it is a relationship." And that I (or we) can become fully myself through that relationship.

I wish I could tell you exactly how much of a blessing that weekend was in a way that you would believe me.

We went on a journey where we learnt or rediscovered things about our memories, about how our habits also form us, about recommitting to God and most importantly the place for forgiveness in our daily lives. Our dependence on God's grace, a gift for us which is sufficient to make us renewed.

' "My grace is all you need for my power is strongest when you are weak." I am most happy, then to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me.... For when I am weak, then I am strong. ' 2 Corinthians 12.9

Below I have picked out some key points from my notes for reflection

• St John of the Cross - says that our inward workings are intellect, memory and will
• His life as a monk sought purification of these three aspects
• Our memory can be an obstacle because of it's fallibility or because we hold onto memories that are painful, replaying them
• He asked "Do we let our memory rule us through our emotions?"
• Grace reality is a gift from God, "Do we accept Grace as a gift from God?"
• Prayer in the Carmelite tradition is a way of being present to the loving God, a kind of companionship, shouldn't be like the pharisees, is about relationship, through prayer the will of God becomes apparent, is learning and growing in the presence of God
• Christ is first not me
• Are you loving as God wants you to love?
• Believe in the goodwill of your brother, Jesus always spoke to a persons goodness
• "To love the way you want to love is control" (still unpacking that one! I think it is about making our love conditional, choosing to love)
• the power to forgive belongs to God, if I forgive it has been given by God
• the inability to forgive impedes love
• to truly forgive is to forgive AND love

With apologies to Fr Greg as I have condensed four pages of notes and missed out important bits! But maybe you can see why this retreat was so important to me. Especially as the group of people on it were so lovely.

Dear Lord, help me to understand your love for me, heal my memories and move me forward, let me learn to act the way you would want me to.... Amen